Canto XXll

Tue, 31 May 2005 14:15:52 GMT

I work every day of the week now. It is stressful, but whenever I'm not working I feel really bummed or down or something, so I don't mind. I'm keeping myself busy to ignore that looming feeling. Well, I don't feel that way when I'm with Megan or any of my friends. It's when I'm alone. Which isnt very often. So it's cool.

My film shoot for this month was pushed back to June. I need to get with an agency; I had my headshots taken in January and haven't done anything with them. The films I'm involved in happened through my contacts in school. I could probably get a lot more if I joined Exposure or something. I want to be in Shakespeare in the Park this summer, but guess what? Auditions are the next three nights at 6 pm and I work during all of them!

I tried to quit my keyholder position at the videogame store but my boss is really cool and talked me out of it. But I really should have stuck to it, I'm thinking, because he wants me to work friday even though he knows I work next door at AE that day. And he wouldn't work for me when I was gravely fucking ill two weeks ago. Anyway, a week after I tried to put in my two weeks notice, our assistant manager put his notice in. Ha. Nice timing. At AE I think they want to make me the stockroom dude. That'd be fucking sweet because you get to listen to your own music and eat back there and not have to deal with people.

And dammit I just want to be able to have a summer. I went camping Friday only because I had a fluke scheduling that gave me a few hours of free time. But I want to go to the zoo and road trips and oceans of fun and you know, just summer stuff. I think I feel bummed when I have free time because I know I have to work again soon. Haha I'm so lame. When my movie shoots start, I'm pretty much gonna have to quit one of those jobs. So the problem will even itself out in time.

OK Computer is an amazing album.

Requirements for becoming a vampire.

Wed, 25 May 2005 07:21:10 GMT

For ages, people have feared vampires, the unholy blood-sucking children of the night. However, they're quite misunderstood. There are many things about vampires that the casual observer probably never realized. But how does one become a vampire? People have mistakenly thought for many years that vampirism is caused by a curse or a bite. Niether of these are true. In reality, becoming a vampire involves a strict set of behaviors to follow. They are as follows:

1. Hate your parents. Do you live in a cozy three story house with parents who care enough about you to not let you sneak out and get pregnant/raped/addicted to meth? Do they give you an allowance? Do they drop you off at Hot Topic? Do they pay for your internet access and cell phone? THOSE BASTARDS. Real vampires know that parents are shit heads. Hating your parents is cool, and one step closer to being a vampire.

2. Wear black. Forget the stylized aristocratic outfits of vampires illustrated in classic books and movies. All the real vampires wear XXL SLIPKNOT t-shirts and never wash thier hair. Speaking of music and hygiene...

3. Listen to really, really, really, really, really, really shitty "NU-METAL" and goth dance music. Cuz, dude, you know that Vlad the Impaler LOVED Staind and Mudvayne. Seriously. He even got a tattoo of the band's logo.

4. Wear white facial make-up that makes you break out. Who cares about zits? The white cream you ruin your face with everyday only covers them up. Nothing is scarier than a mouth full of plastic fangs surrounded by a pimple-laden face.

5. Get fat. You know all those movies where the vampires take off thier shirts and they're all ripped and buff and muscular? Well you REAL vampires out there know that real-life vampires just aren't like that. They've spent way too many hours sifting through arcane web sites or marathons of Anime on Cartoon Network to put thier dark vampiric bodies through any sort of physical labor.

6. Watch Anime. A lot. Dude, everyone knows that japanese cartoons and vampirism go hand in hand. Transylvania is the anime capital of the world. It's kind of close to Japan, isn't it.....? When the vampires I see walking around aren't wearing XXL Slipknot t-shirts, they're wearing XXL INUYASHA t-shirts.

7. Smoke. Dracula smoked 7 packs a day. Camel Reds. Why shouldn't you?

8. Pick a really dark, depressing, stupid screen name. Something like "SoulAtDusk." Except less awesome. Vampires RULE the night... and AIM sessions.

9. Replace a vowel in your name with a "Y" or add a silent "H" or something in there somewhere. A conservative name like "Megan" can easily be imbued with the dark power of vampirism simply by modifying a few letters and making it "MHEGYAN." Try it with your own name. Feel the awesome power rush over your dark heart as you start writing your name on your homework with a few extra pointless letters.

10. Defy the style and clothing establishements of stores like American Eagle, Hollister, or Abercrombie and Fitch by displaying your own individual unholy style of the NIGHT. Refuse to step foot in any of the stores mentioned above. Verbally provoke those who wear these brands of clothing. If you face resistance against your rebellion, you and all your other friends wearing the exact same black outfit as you should meet inside of Hot Topic to discuss your next maneuver in the war against individualism. You're not buying into anyone else's predetermined sense of style, right? Right.....? I mean, you came up with that baggy black outfit on your own, didn't you? Oh, wait, you didn't? Sorry, my mistake, Jhimmyy.

DUDE!

Thu, 19 May 2005 15:27:09 GMT

KELSEY GRAMMER IS BEAST IN X-MEN 3!!!

http://www.superherohype.com/

That's fucking perfect if you ask me.

Sat, 07 May 2005 18:19:15 GMT

Dude, Livejournal, fucking WAKE UP man! Come on party people, you know we've had some good timezzzz.

omega

Thu, 05 May 2005 16:36:15 GMT

Memorable things that happened this year:

-Hurricanes in Florida

-Hanging out with Julia, Seeing Maggie and Ashley’s apartment in Kirksville

-Missouri voting against gay marriage. Way to go, Cletus and Billy Bob.

-Cameron’s bachelor party and wedding

-Zona Rosa Arts Festival and “The Telltale Heart”

-Coheed and Underoath with Mags, Caro and Kathy (although I lost them during Underoath. Oops.)

-Cavern of Terror and the bitchin haunted houses in St. Joseph

-Producing my own haunted house in the theatre building and having a line out the door for 3 hours straight. Chasing people with my car and a chainsaw was pretty sweet too.

-Spending Halloween in Alton with three sweet chicas: Meggo, Angela and Erin.

-Playing Grendel in the Park one acts and making a suit out of gross wigs.

-Seeing Mae and Yellowcard with Maggie for 10 bucks at Truman

-Making snow dicks in Kathy’s front yard.

-Getting reacquainted with Kirby.

-Missing my Natural Disaster final

-Christmas party

-The tsunami

-New years eve party in Westport with Mags

-Sitting along the river with Megan at night, having no idea what lay in store for us later.

-Getting to know Sam, Kathy, Caro, etc better

-Streetcar kicking ass and taking names.

-My fucking sweet V-day weekend in Columbia with Megan, Mags and Derek, the pimps and ho’s party, and everything that has happened since.

-Becoming better friends with Nima, Brent, Rene, Daniel, Ashley, and everyone else at Park Theatre

-Working with Joseph and Caro in my plays, becoming better freidns with them

-In Death, the casting, the directing process, the set design, and the amazing turn-out and audience demand.

What were yours?

Mon, 02 May 2005 18:03:20 GMT

Finals week muther truckaaahhhhhsss!!! Tomorrow includes selling text books back and officially changing my major to Psych/Theatre Performance with a minor in English. If I didn't major in Psych, I could be DONE with college next year. Next semester, probably. I have 2 requirements left for my Theatre major and two for my English minor. But I don't want to just major in something artistic.

I don't even feel like I had a normal semester, like, classes took a back seat. I feel like I've just been doing a bunch of theatre and it all blew by so fast. It's been great having Meggo as a girlfriend through it all too. It's been an awesome few months. Definiately a period of my life I will always be fond of.

Things I'm gonna rock this summer:

-The Zoo

-Worlds and Oceans of Fun with a huge group of people

-Big birthday party in Parkville at Stone Canyon and then the park

-The Ozarxxx

-First Fridays

-Local mooovies

-A campsite or three

-Road trip to Lincoln

Wanna fight? Karate or Wrestling? Weapons or no weapons?

.....what?

Fri, 29 Apr 2005 04:18:46 GMT

I said leave me alone, even if it's nuthin' offensive.

ZOMBIES!!!!!

Thu, 28 Apr 2005 05:30:44 GMT

REAL FUCKING ZOMBIES: http://65.127.124.62/south_asia/4483241.stm.htm

That shit is the EXACT premise of Resident Evil, Dawn of the Dead, etc...!

Tue, 26 Apr 2005 06:45:45 GMT

May is a week away and I'm shivering. This is bullshit.

As of Friday, Bobby Hoops: English Lit and Theatre major, will be Bobby Hoops: Psychology and Theatre major.

Why is the Nelson Atkins Museum of Art closed on Mondays? Why Monday? Do they just not like Mondays? I'd like for them to pay my gas money back.

I can't sleep. That would be too convenient.

Manifesto

Sat, 23 Apr 2005 08:32:46 GMT

This past week has been rough. On Monday I strode on to campus like a king, as I rightfully should have. I felt like one. It seemed like everywhere I went, the atmosphere was teeming with electricity. The aftershock of my play left a residue in my footsteps. Eyes followed me. Faces lifted up from campus newspapers. "Is that the guy in the article?" Professors congratulated me. Students came to me with stories about how they tried to come but were turned away because of the sell-out. Everywhere I went, every conversation I had, every hand I shook, one question always punctuated my encounters: "So, what's next?"

I'm not trying to sound full of myself here. I'm trying to make a point.

There was a buzz in the air about the success of In Death, and I was ecstatic about that. Why, then, was the week rough for me? I wasn't too sad that the play was over; I was looking forward to some down time in a big way. But something kept happening that I hadn't experienced in years. During class, sitting there in my chair, aimlessly doodling alongside my notes, I felt extremely.... tense. My temples would tighten up as if there were a vice around my head. My lower jaw was held firmly in a permanent clench. I was breathing heavy. It got so bad a couple of times I neraly got up and left. This used to happen to me all the time in high school. I used to think it was because I was still pretty much getting over OCD, but now, this tense feeling having returned to me, I think I know what it is.

There are creative energies surging inside of me that abhor not having anything to direct themselves toward. With no direction, they clog, they swell up, bursting my nerves at the seam. My brain tightens up with all of the thoughts coming on too quickly. Aimless, I sit: a timebomb of creation.

In my Modern Art class, I've learned about the Manifestos written by artists and writers during the major creative movements in the 18 and 1900's. Consider this mine. I haven't felt this tense or stir crazy since before working on The Life Project in my senior year of high school. Ever since, I've been working towards some sort of project, some sort of outlet for my ideas. I was looking forward to not doing anything but a few movies this summer. But something inside of me won't let me. It's hungry. I must keep doing this. I must create. I must find an outlet for these energies and ideas damming up inside. I no longer doubt what my future could have in store as an actor, or as a director or writer or anything like that. The success described in the first paragraph of this entry is a testament to that.

So, what's next?

Mon, 18 Apr 2005 06:35:14 GMT

Ladies and gentlemen, In Death sold out all three nights.

On the first night, I hopped into the tech booth 5 minutes before curtain to check out the crowd, and I was stoked to see the house so full. Then Ashley says "You have one open seat left." WHAT!? By the time the show started, we had standing-room only status. How awesome. Selling out on your opening night is an extremely rare occurrance. I was beaming.

On the second night, the house filled up slowly, but surely enough, by 8 p.m. we had sold out once again. We had crew members scrounging around for extra chairs and still had standing-room only status by the time the show started. I don't think anything pumps a cast up more than knowing that your show is in such high demand. The energy back stage was electric. I, of course, was floored. My first show had sold out two nights in a row. Surely it would happen again on Saturday.

Saturday evening, 7:30 p.m: the box office opens. At 7:35 p.m.: The last few, rare tickets to "In Death" were now sold out. WE SOLD OUT 5 MINUTES AFTER WE OPENED! Upon hearing this, I had a conflicted feeling of extreme accomplishment and happiness. I felt conflicted because I was insanely excited that it had sold out so phenomenally quickly, but I knew that for at least the next 40 minutes or so, many people would be coming to the show only to be turned away. This was certainly the case: my house manager said that we had to turn away at least two dozen people (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). Responding to the high demand, cast and crew rounded up all the rest of the folding chairs we could find, making about 10-15 more seats available. Still, we had to gaurd the back entrance because of all the people trying to sneak in that way. My first show sold out all three nights, and to an amazing degree on the final night. It boggles my mind and makes me extremely happy, more than I could presently fathom or describe. I'm very proud of the show.

Many faces showed up that I was very happy to see, and some that I hadn't seen in years. Megan was there of course, along with her mom, Maggie of course, with her mom also, Samuel Sachs, Katie Lundy, My whole family, a few of Jason's friends, my grandparents, Christy Folse, Josh Earlenbagh, and a few that I didn't see, like Lisa Mandina, Melissa (libraMD), and probably a few that I'm forgetting at the moment. But there were so many faces that I was shocked to see. A ton of people from my old youth group showed up thanks to Nima, along with Stephen and Heidi, the youth leaders. Dr. Kerkman, my awesome psych professor, showed up, which was very cool of him because he's a very cool guy. Mrs. Recker, my high school art teacher, showed face thanks to Joseph, along with Josh and Christina Coble, a couple I haven't seen in many, many years. Adam Roberts, the director with Waste of Mind films, showed up Thursday, and that was cool of him to check out my work. Kieth Blay showed up with a few Oak Park actors. Man, so many others. I am so grateful for the turn out.

I am insanely happy for my cast. I don't think they knew what they were getting into. But they all put on a show that blew people the fuck away and I'm very, very happy for them. It is so exciting to see your ideas and sketches come to life before your eyes. Brent, playing Adam, was the epitome of my vision, with his red death bands and costume and all. And Nima looked fucking awesome, head shaved, black suit, twisted horns. It was as if pages from my sketchbooks were dancing before my eyes. I've made some great new friends. I'm happy for how diverse the cast was too. We had two guys from Ecuador (Emilio and Marcello), Nima and Paya are from Persian descent, Viveca was born and schooled in Denmark, and Daniel, who played Jesus, is from Kenya, sporting the coolest accent ever. It was great to bring Caro back into the mix; she's like my little secret weapon. And I'm so, so glad that Joseph decided to join the cast. It's been great getting back in touch with him this year and I want to hang out with him frequently. I now consider him a very good friend.

Rene' has been very supportive to me all year, being there with me to the very end of the haunted house, when I was damn near dead from exhaustion. She played opposite me in Streetcar as Stella, and that will always be very special to me. But her volunteering to be my stage manager was great of her. I couldn't have asked for anyone more well prepared or loyal to the show. She's a great friend. And Nikki jumping back into the fray to lead my "angel crew" backstage was a huge asset (my stage-crew were four girls dressed in black formal dresses, and were not a "crew" but actually silent characters in the play). I have many loyal friends at Park. And the set turned out great. It was simple, yet very expressive. And the coffin we made was AWESOME. It looked better than anything we saw at the rental place. I want to be buried in it.

With all the accomplishments of this whole experience, the one moment that made everything worth all the stress was looking straight into Maggie Bennett's eyes and bowing to her on the closing night of curtain. The play was pretty much devoted to her, and seeing her there with her mother was definitely the climax of the whole 2 years of this show's existence. I cried into her when I hugged her, and when I went into her mother's arms, I was transported back in time to December 2001, a few days after Timothy Michael Bennett died in a boating accident. I was at thier house along with many, many other people mourning over him, and Maggie's mom came to me and held me close. She said into my ear "Please be there for my daughter. Please protect her." Anybody who saw the play probably knows what happened over the next couple of months, and I thought I had utterly and completely failed to keep that promise.

When Maggie's mom hugged me on Saturday night, she tearfully said: "Bobby, you've kept your promise." It was probably the single greatest moment of my life, and I'm in tears right now just thinking about it. I love Maggie Bennett very, very much. I am very proud that a play devoted to her brought in so many people. I also dedicated the show to the memory of Tim Bennett and Alisha Sue Huffman, Jason's girlfriend who tragically died last year. Again, the fact that so many people turned out to see it makes me very proud that a show deciated to them did so well.

I've already gotten offers to do this show again around the city, and even to work on a film adaptation. I've worked for years to produce a play, and I feel very accomplished right now. I don't think words can describe the surreal feeling of the show being over, and for how high in demand it was. I feel like I not only have my foot in the door, but that I blew the door off of its hinges. Thank you very much for all of those who turned out to see the play, and for those who helped me make it happen. Thank you so much.

Sat, 16 Apr 2005 14:13:40 GMT

WE SOLD THE FUCK OUT TWO NIGHTS IN A ROW.

They had to bring extra chairs in and there were STILL people having to stand in the back.

I came, I saw, I dominated.

Fri, 15 Apr 2005 03:34:11 GMT

WE FUCKING SOLD OUT OUR FIRST NIGHT OF IN DEATH.

One down, two to go.

IN DEATH IS THIS WEEK

Wed, 13 Apr 2005 04:38:32 GMT

IN DEATH is this weekend, April 14, 15, and 16th at 8 p.m. at Park University in Alumni Hall. Please come and bring a bunch of friends/hot babes. I need your support!

Sun, 10 Apr 2005 17:16:02 GMT

A few things from the comeback kid:

-Sin City was fucking awesome. That sure is a fine lookin' coat you're wearin'...

-I have to build a coffin for In Death, after an epic excursion to a creepy coffin rental store ended in the theatre department giving me a thumbs down. Oh well, it will be fun.

-The deathcab for cutie shirt I bought for Megan looks really hot on her.

-Oak Park High School continues to pump out amazing theatre. "Tell Me That You Love Me, Junie Moon" was awesome.

-I got a new job at a videogame store as a supervisor. Sounds lame, but I missed having a management position, like the one I had at the bookstore.

-I had a script read through for one of the movies I'm in yesterday. I got uber lost and was 20 minutes late but they were really cool and we all went out for pizza and beer afterwards.

-And finally, In Death premiers next weekend, April 14, 15, and 16th, at 8 pm at Park University. I really want everyone who reads this to come see it. I'd love to meet some of you.

"This is what you get... if you mess with us."

Wed, 06 Apr 2005 02:14:41 GMT

I've recieved confessions from those who did this, so I feel okay with writing in these again. I have everything that they did saved, including ther confessions, and a ton of witnesses. I will not pursue any sort of legal action unless something else happens to me.

I told them that I would not retaliate in any way online. I would not bicker over IM conversations, I stopped replying to text messages, and I didn't write a bitchy entry in rebuttal to what happened to my journals. I feel that any problem I have with anyone should be settled in person. Do not fuck with me online.

I don't like having enemies. I just want to be left alone and to have peace. If I've gotten anything out of this, it's closure to some of my unsettled feelings about my old friends. I hope they go thier seperate ways and I go mine. No hard feelings. No revenge. No common ground to come to agreeance on. The only resolution I seek is to be left alone.

Mon, 04 Apr 2005 22:11:02 GMT

Just so ya know everyone, I'm not using my livejournal or xanga until after the lawsuits. Sorry. Have to leave them the way they are.

Later guys.

Sun, 03 Apr 2005 09:16:37 GMT

Someone has hacked into my online journals and fucked shit up. These changes were not made by me, the last entry was not written by me. I am not going to touch this journal or revert it back to the way it was. My privacy has been violated more than once this week and I am going to seek legal action. Until then...

-Bobby.

these are my confessions

Sun, 03 Apr 2005 00:24:04 GMT

Bare with me chicas, this is a long one.

There are certian things in life that you just know. You are like, just born with inept knowledge about facts that are pre-determined by powers greater than yourself. You are born that way.

I knew I wasn't like other people and I knew that I wasn't like other guys growing up. Sports were never ever my thing and I would rather go draw a picture and read a comic than sprain my ankle playing four square. It took me a while to realize why I wasn't like everyone else that I knew but even though you deny something, it doesn't make it any less true.

My life is going great and everything is finally happening for me. The plays, the movies, freinds and like, just life. This just feels right. There was only one thing holding me back from having a perfect life, from feeling complete.

When I'm at school on a nice meloncholy autumn morn or a an absolutely envigorating spring eve, I like to walk past the park in downtown Parkville and just ponder about what is next in my life. I have been thinking about going to the San Francisco Art Academy for awhile now and I don't think the timing could be any more perfect.

It's too gorgeous outside to be wasting away in front of a computer. Things are changing and I have never been more ready for what is ahead.

I guess I can't live a lie anymore.

Tue, 29 Mar 2005 04:20:37 GMT

Nothin' beats a spring day in Parkville, and a spring night's drive through the back roads with your windows down, playing creepy music. Bring it, Spring. Bring it.

Tue, 22 Mar 2005 20:36:25 GMT

FUCK MISSOURI.

GAMBIT

Sat, 19 Mar 2005 05:47:38 GMT

FFFUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKK YYYYYEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=19662

"All of you Cajun fans can finally rest easy. GAMBIT will indeed be part of the film this time around, and expect them to cast a fairly big name in the role."

YYYYYYYYEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!1!!

ides of march

Thu, 17 Mar 2005 07:38:01 GMT

Haha, get this: we have a flasher at Park University. An old man has been approaching girls on campus wearing a t-shirt and no pants. HOT. If I was a girl and that happened to me, I'd laugh my ass off. I wouldn't get all horrified and disgusted like all these pussy women on the news do. An old man with no pants is hilarious.

Almost finished with my first week of In Death rehearsals and they've gone so smoothly that it makes me wonder if I'm not trying hard enough. I have to build a coffin which is cool and a pain in the ass at the same time. Ah well, something artsy to do, which I need. Speaking of art, if any of you are artists, I need some artwork for In Death. Inquire within (i know Katie, dammit. how about this week, it'll be nice out).

My parents will be out of town next week and I'm thinkin' of having a ghost story/ horror movie/ cemetery excursion party. Cool? Cool.

Mon, 14 Mar 2005 22:19:54 GMT

I just had a quick little nap, but within it, I had a dream that was significant enough for me to record.

The dream was nothing special. Megan, Jason, and I were at Oceans of Fun in the wave pool. We were just swimming and goofing around. And when the waves started, the three of us were at the front line of that huge mass of people waiting to dive into them.

This is the significant part. As the waves came toward us, my heart started pumping harder, and, like (this is so hard to describe), all this weight that I never knew was there inside of me all of a sudden went away. I felt, ..light. I felt pure and truly, genuinely excited. The three of us dove into the waves and I remember thinking: "I'm happy. Right now I feel like a kid and I'm happy." It was like I was being baptized back into my childhood, just playing with my brother in the pool with nothing at all to worry about. I had never sinned, I had never experienced death, I had never experienced anxiety. I was free.

I'm not an unhappy person. In fact, I'm extremely content with life right now and have been for a very long time. But the way I felt for those few seconds in that dream is something I have not felt since I was very young, and it was very strange for me to think about. I have known for years that I don't get excited or enjoy things to thier fullest the way I did when I was a kid. I pretty much figured it was normal and hell, maybe it is. But what I was not consious of until a few minutes ago was that I constantly have this sense of inhibition that I always, always put first, and that dream took it away from me for a moment. It's like I have this constant emotional cap on things, even when I'm enjoying whatever I'm currently doing. Like, if I'm doing somehting fun, I'm having fun. But there's also the knowledge that it will end, or that there could be an accident, or that somebody I love could suddenly drop dead. This is the "emotional cap" that I mean. It's always there and it's like I don't allow myself to fully enjoy anything.

I think this is bullshit, and the reason I'm writing a long, in-depth entry like this is because, though it was jus a few seconds, I felt something so absolutely pure that I have not felt since at least before I was 10 years old. I think my inner child was telling me to enjoy things like I should be. I should enjoy directing In Death and not worry about the amount of time we have. I should enjoy Megan and not worry about her dying on her way to KC. I should enjoy my alone time, because that's where my inner child has always been the most effective: enjoying life.

I'm going to try to lose these inhibiitions I always carry with me and enjoy the things that God has thrown my way. This life doesn't last forever.

brunettes have more fun

Mon, 14 Mar 2005 16:20:32 GMT

And I have to speculate
that God Himself did make
us into corresponding shapes
like puzzle pieces from the clay.